First Place Drop

More like first place flop

Currently running in place

How the hell do you stand my face

Temporary setbacks weigh like a packed suitcase

Erase my pessimism but stains remain

Under pressure is when I multiply gains

However I feel disgusted are you leaving never discussed it

My heart a baseball your face a bat hitting home runs and shit

Inside my head light exists if I persist even brighter moves

Proves thrown away people can fight even with sweet sincere attitudes

Just randomly viruses spread flu colds depression bad moods

Within is the drop first place thinkers drop in

Come back out flying wisdom around tale tell or tail spins

Whatever wins.

Advertisements

Growing Up In Your Thirties 1

Fewer sources to blame for my shame

Wasting time is a boring game

Underlined my name asking why I’m tame

Jungle full of opportunities while I daydream automation

Hesitation until it’s almost too late then my mind races

Places I could be and smoke marijuana in freedom

Growing in freedom instead of being stuck in southern blindness

Kindness after I find salvation no church can help and fuck that plantation

I want live and proof not all humans are aimless

Resurrected my poems currently perfecting my Psalms

Instead of judging maybe you should resurrect your alms

Faith without works are dead and I need to have faith when I write my daily bread

Regardless of my journey mama always said don’t let these people kill me

Inside my mind she meant so here I clean off again I was filthy

Gotta learn the pen cleanses paper dries humming is an adventure lyrics take off

That’s how I should stay high better than angry eyes at least try.

This container unnoticeable perfect for hiding valuables

Empty wonders yeah a few stumbling blocks for humbleness to rock

Understand even solid dirt is needed or do you raise castles on sand of sand inevitable loss man

Can after again storage for rugged hours tough decisions

Are we gonna fight back or lay down when the sun is missing within ignored folks complete plans

Under pressure finally kindled wood burns without need for any fans

One day we’ll understand switches on off in dark hallways waiting on bravery to be activated

Can’t tell you about yours until I handle mine fortifying said spine line after line.

If I Cannot Get Life Right

If I cannot get life right, can I try death?

Honey this isn’t some attention grab, something doesn’t feel right.

We tell each other to fight and it seems we’re all loosing.

Embarrassment sticks to my face, I’m royalty regarding loosing big.

My fight is pinewood against gunfire.

Thought processes outdated, reasoning currently under fire.

Failure doesn’t fail me honey,

Even in my dreams I have no money,

Maybe in Philadelphia it’s always sunny,

But not here.

This isn’t a note it’s just depression holding a meeting friends.

Asking if I’m sure if going on makes logical sense.

You’re gambling on tomorrow either way, try it lay those cards down.

Why does it seem crazy if I want a day to hide my head and sort my feelings?

Why is it strange if I want to lay here and figure out where I want to go?

Rushing me,

People are always rushing me to choose every moment.

News flash assholes, I don’t know anymore.

Our Table Of Death

When you are around I feel in control of being out of control

Too much of you can kill but I cannot resist your impact on my senses

Even as my heart beats wild and I lay in bed ashamed

My lack of resistance plus lack of physical persistence linger in pain

I know I need to do better as my body decays in self fueled weather

Yet again I’ll be a host sitting at our table of death.

*

Mirrors show my careless hunger masturbating my mind

Grunts and awful noises while I lick my fingers in search of your goodbye

Thirst increasing, sugars teasing, urine rushing, waistline abnormal dying for nothing

Processed poison

Ingesting pills from multiple laughing industries

Stretched skin filled with regret but just wait I’ll sin again and I know it

Dying with my mouth full at our table of death

Eating because we’re filling in space at our table of death.

Refusing Multiple Choice

I’m a complete wreck, you see it

My choices aren’t familiar

Like how I love you without being afraid

Labels given are just labels made

I’ll change

I’ll change

You’ll be, the greatest motivation

You’ll be, the only worthwhile meditation point

Soundtracks dedicated to your kindness

Patience, timing in speech, timing in silence.

*

I was a man thrown away because of depression

People who heard of me said I’d never learn my lesson no need to care or second guess it I’ve been fucked up since nights adolescent

My will power depleted strength here still I swear it’s not needed

Writing to reveal my twisted mind see what you can find weeds knots and personal crimes I couldn’t shine blind but sight fine

Self esteem scarred nevertheless one woman says actually I’m blessed when I put words on paper narrow ruled gets business dressed real talent doesn’t flex

Put me together under your microscope connect my drive likewise our hugs give our hearts tithes pondered by passerbys

Guess she’s more than just one reason in my attempts to fly I’ll spread my wings again and try.