Into Disaster

Please don’t say you’ll be here 

You won’t be unless I behave

Say you want time but don’t

Get mad because I called you the most

It’s inconvenient I know I know

Being free has limits right

I don’t want to pressure you or make you feel obligated to care

You’re so sweet you’ll never say it to my face

Tired of me and the things you think I think

Partnership in decline abandon ship

These were our Stars yeah these were our Stars once

Took them back and now they are mine
You swore you loved me for me

But didn’t take the time to see underneath

Oh I can’t be hurt or damaged

Oh I can’t be temporarily confused

Working my life out


And really what do you know about my pain

What do you know about the voices laughing at my attempts to improve

And what do you know about me wanting to live however I’m dying

What do you know about the gun with one bullet? 


I’m inconvenient to love

Won’t stick with the script

Dealing with shit from years ago

Treated like a sinner in Heaven wearing the wrong clothes

Hated because of skin color and hated because I was born

Can’t show up over there may never come home

Beaten mentally until I fold

Could you be like all the rest confess you’ll be here then gone the next second

Damaged hearts trashed and left on the side of the road gotta fend for yourself

It’s dark down here

But oh so clear
Sorry I’m not everything great

Perfection isn’t here in any way

Oh you know how I laugh

Oblivious to my years of tears still flowing within

When I get up I’m kicked to the ground again. 


Oh I sleep too much but you don’t see the nights when I’m worried

Oh I smoke too much but you never see me trying to numb the disappointment

Oh I talk too much but when I’m silent you’re afraid of my thoughts

Oh I’m lazy but I’ve trying to conquer depression without proper care and medication feeling stuck

And oh you know about the nights I’m pissed off

At myself for continuing my involvement with life

Oh you’re so fucking smart you know the answers to every problem I have

Know me better than I know myself right

Know things I don’t tell you

It’s tiring pretending I don’t sense being annoying to you
And I could say I’m just trying to make it through

You’ll probably hurt your nose pointing it up too

Your life should be the standard for mine you say

Puzzle pieces don’t work in such a way.

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