Leg Cramps At One

Another night of pretend conversations in my head
Defending myself against hating bastards
However I rather sleep
Instead I lay here hurting physically and worried
My plate is full and spilling over
They want me here and need me there
And I’m so tired

I’ve been running in place for a while
The only arms I want are somewhere else
Upset because I can’t be around enough
It hurts me too best friend
More than you know
Solution is to run and avoid angry mobs who would attempt to track us
Our story is dramatic and passionate
Sweetie I’m trying to survive
Stacking up strength to fight our families
But if you cannot accept any absence
Then we must run away
Otherwise patience is needed
You long for me

I long for you
We feel it in our minds and between our legs
Previously I said I’d leave everything
I wasn’t lying
If only hate didn’t smell so sweet for our loved ones
Maybe I could have dinner and laugh with them too
However it’s less work to hate me and slaughter my name
When I love you in ways they’ll never know
Because your happiness isn’t what they care about
Like me they need you to play your script
Honey can I tell them we’ve written our own

So in bed my head spins faster than any top
Checking every station I’m late to
Fucked because of low money
Beaten by the love I give
Direct deposits from a better outlook
Checks from starting my life over at thirty six
Just as bright dark eyed as ever
Working retail at places cracking whips
Nine hours isolated and serving for base survival
Done with buying lottery there and here hoping to wake up with a head start
Thousands or millions to split and split

And this is why I cannot function
I need a career I enjoy
One where calling out is blasphemy to my ideas
Somewhere I can grow and help others
Out of the hell I lived in
But Nofaithpoet you do a lot people don’t acknowledge
Yeah and they’ll give thanks when I’m dead
Not now
Thanks are not really needed just respect
But Underdogs don’t get to eat with the others

Stereotypes of a black man misunderstood
But it’s still all good right Biggie
And my dreams are calling no matter what these people say.

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