A Raft

I should be quiet
I’m not alright
Wishing something
Out of reach
No matter how I scream I cannot be heard
Abandoned life
Forsaken nights.

I spent years wanting someone to understand
Wasted time selecting slippery hands
Put my feelings up to be pushed aside
Offered many things but the flames always died
Now I’m walking around like a zombie
Just living until my end so gory.

I should be quiet
Keep it all inside for once
I’m in desolate places no pity
No love
No bright lights in any eyes.

My time has come and went
Faster than I knew
Happiness hides
Sex happens weeks between and few
I cannot find a reason to hold
Basically I’m pretty much through
The thin line
Between wanting to live
And waiting to die
All is shit.

I have a place or two
When I can I’ll go to leaving no clues
Watching the water flow
Thinking about filled lungs and throat
Sinking far below
Done with the torment
Guess life isn’t so important.

Where should you go to die
Feeling like everyone is just waiting on you
To do what you must do
What you must do
No gods in the skies
Can help me out
They don’t exist
I almost drown in doubts
Where do you go when you’re done
No note and no conversation with anyone.

Twitter and Facebook accounts vacant
No more poetry and no more help me statements
Just a pile of flesh rotting on hot pavement
Time to go.

Leave my phone on my made up bed
Clean my room neatly and organized
Burn my old poetry books
They’ll never be read
Laugh all day knowing at night I’ll be done with trying
Smoke a blunt and then go rafting without a raft.

I should be quiet
Pretend I’m doing just great
Ignore my secret
Call out of work and never be seen again.

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