You wake up and look around. You look at the ones who say the love you but they don’t think like you do. They come to you with their problems and more. You answer and are there for them. But at the end of the day, you have no one to go to.
Yeah there are people online who care, no doubt. However these connections simply vanish when unplugged. So face to face interactions are important but are not enough.
So then the voice comes, the suggestions. With Depression they are usually negative. The sneaky thing with depression is, it hides well, waiting for the right time to become stronger. It slowly pulls away the things you have done and shows you how people haven’t been as caring as you.
Everyone has a different way of showing emotion and love. Still I feel like I am put in a place where I’m supposed to just keep things inside. They say you can tell them and they will be there but how can they when the surface is where they linger?
When they have a complaint I’m supposed to be perfect. Listen and fix things for them. However they don’t do the same for me. When I have an issue I am asked what’s wrong with you, like I don’t have issues and concerns.
Or I get, we’ll you are irritated today with an attitude. Could you sit down with me and understand? Or hell just listen? Are my concerns and issues irrelevant and I should just be quiet?
If I can’t talk about the pain as well as the rain how are supposed to love and support each other? So what happens is they seem to think well I’ll just stay away until he’s not concerned.
I still will be but I bury it. They feel good thinking everything is fine because I don’t mention it. But it is not fine. I should be able to be myself completely with those I love. If I was going around here being mentally or physical abusive that’s one thing. I would deserve much more than being ignored. This is not the case.
You know what? I should just remain silent. When I was numb it was I wasn’t showing emotions. When I show emotions it’s too much. When I withdraw she feels forsaken. When I try to be close she feels smothered.
The Rollins Band said it best. Nowhere to go but inside.
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